So, I've been very MIA, which I'm sorry for. My laptop is being fixed so I haven't been able to really be on, and my phone is super annoying to use for this. I am trying to get back on track and have been eating quite healthy, but still too much and not enough exercise. I am beginning to use Zantrex-3 and PGX Daily and am going to cutting down huge. I am still hoping to join the YMCA, things have just been tight, etc. I cannot wait til I move next month though as I will be switching to a 90% raw food diet and going back to fasting at least once or twice a week and will have the room and privacy to use my Wii workouts daily.
I hope you're all doing amazing, and that I will be back, daily soon.
Friday, 11 May 2012
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
MIA
So, something else I'm sure some of you have noticed. I come and go a lot lately.
I've been in a very low spot this past week. I've been cutting and having horrible dreams....Unfortunately horrible dreams that end up exciting me....Like randomly being grabbed while out on a late night walked, and raped...Twisted, right? I think on some level most women out there have the whole rape fantasy. Not many will admit it of course. It is a very large fantasy for me, and with everything that's been going on I think it's become a frighteningly constant fantasy for me now. It's like, I crave the fear, the adrenalin, the after-math of feeling like someone actually cares for me when they find out what's happened, and of course the raw sexual intensity...
Now, I've also had dreams of random sexual encounters with people I know, of cutting so badly the bleeding doesn't stop, and recently of waking up and everything around my bed being in flames....Not all that wonderful, though in turn have been helping me with a new novel I'm working on. Not sure it's doing my mentality any good though.
I am moving into my own apartment though. I will sublet from mid-June to end of August and then decide if I'm signing the lease. It's a small one bedroom, though more of a bachelor style set-up as the "bedroom" unfortunately has the shower built into it so couldn't fit more than a single bed without having to crawl over it to get to the bathroom lol I don't mind though, the main room is quite large and the girl living in it now has a double, so I know there will be enough room. I'll probably have the little room as a dining room/altar room since I can close it off to keep any scents from bothering the rats. I can't wait. I'll be paying almost double what I'm paying here, but it'll be worth it. $750 inclusive, and with cable and internet. The apartment itself is $660 inclusive and I probably won't keep cable if I keep it.
Financially things are better here than they were last time, but I'm getting tired of the "no one helps me clean or do anything around here" whining from K and then the attitude from J that I don't do anything around here.....I pay $450/mnth and then $40 for "my half" of the storage unit, so I'm sorry if I'm not doing dishes and sweeping up everyone else's messes around here...considering it's taken over a month to get a shower head installed and even half the crap out of the upstairs bathroom to be able to possibly use said shower....and listening to someone whining about me using the downstairs one all the time....I'll help out more when I don't feel like never waking up, or sick, and on my days off and not 20min before I am leaving before work. I don't dirty all the dishes in the house for one meal, so really don't see why I should be bitched out for not washing them. I just can't wait to have a place to myself...Come and go as I please, do what I please, and clean as I feel like it. Having to leave the house to do my laundry will be a little annoying, but the laundry mat is literally right across the street.
Anywhoo, eating wise has been kind of all over. I've kept really healthy and relatively lowcal while working. Probably no more than like 1200, and that's only from being lazy and having a veggie dog or two, with bun, when I got home in the morning. This weekend has been a bit random. I believe the pack of veggie dogs I got were bad, or a bad batch or something, as let's just say I've been evacuating more than digesting the last few days. I haven't eaten the lowest calorie wise, but decently healthy and not very much over-all. I'm afraid to weigh in though after the "fun" of Value Village. I've had to put off joining the Y another pay. My own stupidity of leaving my bills to the last minute and not being able to pay them completely off. Even with the two sick days, I'll be able to get them taken care of this pay check. Gotta get my shit together and get my taxes done though! I am hoping to get back enough to have either a month rent here or a month rent at the new place aside so I can keep ahead on stuff. Really need the laptop fixed too, but was hoping to get a netbook beforehand, just in case. We'll see though.
I am hoping to get back on track with fruits and veggies and a very little bit of protein and whole grains. My digestive track needs a good flush though. I will try and be on more often as well.
I've been in a very low spot this past week. I've been cutting and having horrible dreams....Unfortunately horrible dreams that end up exciting me....Like randomly being grabbed while out on a late night walked, and raped...Twisted, right? I think on some level most women out there have the whole rape fantasy. Not many will admit it of course. It is a very large fantasy for me, and with everything that's been going on I think it's become a frighteningly constant fantasy for me now. It's like, I crave the fear, the adrenalin, the after-math of feeling like someone actually cares for me when they find out what's happened, and of course the raw sexual intensity...
Now, I've also had dreams of random sexual encounters with people I know, of cutting so badly the bleeding doesn't stop, and recently of waking up and everything around my bed being in flames....Not all that wonderful, though in turn have been helping me with a new novel I'm working on. Not sure it's doing my mentality any good though.
I am moving into my own apartment though. I will sublet from mid-June to end of August and then decide if I'm signing the lease. It's a small one bedroom, though more of a bachelor style set-up as the "bedroom" unfortunately has the shower built into it so couldn't fit more than a single bed without having to crawl over it to get to the bathroom lol I don't mind though, the main room is quite large and the girl living in it now has a double, so I know there will be enough room. I'll probably have the little room as a dining room/altar room since I can close it off to keep any scents from bothering the rats. I can't wait. I'll be paying almost double what I'm paying here, but it'll be worth it. $750 inclusive, and with cable and internet. The apartment itself is $660 inclusive and I probably won't keep cable if I keep it.
Financially things are better here than they were last time, but I'm getting tired of the "no one helps me clean or do anything around here" whining from K and then the attitude from J that I don't do anything around here.....I pay $450/mnth and then $40 for "my half" of the storage unit, so I'm sorry if I'm not doing dishes and sweeping up everyone else's messes around here...considering it's taken over a month to get a shower head installed and even half the crap out of the upstairs bathroom to be able to possibly use said shower....and listening to someone whining about me using the downstairs one all the time....I'll help out more when I don't feel like never waking up, or sick, and on my days off and not 20min before I am leaving before work. I don't dirty all the dishes in the house for one meal, so really don't see why I should be bitched out for not washing them. I just can't wait to have a place to myself...Come and go as I please, do what I please, and clean as I feel like it. Having to leave the house to do my laundry will be a little annoying, but the laundry mat is literally right across the street.
Anywhoo, eating wise has been kind of all over. I've kept really healthy and relatively lowcal while working. Probably no more than like 1200, and that's only from being lazy and having a veggie dog or two, with bun, when I got home in the morning. This weekend has been a bit random. I believe the pack of veggie dogs I got were bad, or a bad batch or something, as let's just say I've been evacuating more than digesting the last few days. I haven't eaten the lowest calorie wise, but decently healthy and not very much over-all. I'm afraid to weigh in though after the "fun" of Value Village. I've had to put off joining the Y another pay. My own stupidity of leaving my bills to the last minute and not being able to pay them completely off. Even with the two sick days, I'll be able to get them taken care of this pay check. Gotta get my shit together and get my taxes done though! I am hoping to get back enough to have either a month rent here or a month rent at the new place aside so I can keep ahead on stuff. Really need the laptop fixed too, but was hoping to get a netbook beforehand, just in case. We'll see though.
I am hoping to get back on track with fruits and veggies and a very little bit of protein and whole grains. My digestive track needs a good flush though. I will try and be on more often as well.
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
I Want to Die
So... I am completely disgusted with myself. I went to Value Village to get some workout pants and something for K's wedding and do need a couple pairs of jeans... I tried on two different brand of 16-18s and just wanted to cry in the dressing room. The fact I am in double digit sizes again was bad enough! I am joining the Y this week and eating as little as humanly possible. I can't do this!!
I will work on a plan this week and be back. Things are mentally pretty bad too... fml
I will work on a plan this week and be back. Things are mentally pretty bad too... fml
Friday, 6 April 2012
Internal Dialogue
So, yesterday I had a dream about my ex. This is the ex that was my first true love, one I hung around for, waited for, for 7yrs. The one it took 7yrs to move on from. He also basically used me as a back up for those 7yrs, though will never admit it. If I stay on this blog long enough you will notice this comes up from time to time. He never fully escapes my mind, and unfortunately my heart.
Yesterday I dreamed he was performing (he sings and plays guitar very well) at some big thing. I'd swear it was like inside this HUUUUGE hallowed out tree, with levels going up, etc. I was trying to find him, them when I did I was kinda trying to keep hidden from him or something, but every time I turned around he was RIGHT there and singing some rock song directly to me... nothing sexual this time, which is a surprise, but it will usually come as my mind likes to fuck with me....
On a brighter note, because there's no buses running today I got a ride home, so have been home, and in bed, for an hour and a half and K is driving me in, so I'll be leaving close to an hour and a half later than normal. Then Sunday afternoon I'm going out to my parents for dinner and spending the night. I need to be careful of what all I eat there though...
Anywho, I'm gunna try and fall asleep soon so I can be up a bit earlier as I'm suppose to be calling hubby tonight for a bit.
Yesterday I dreamed he was performing (he sings and plays guitar very well) at some big thing. I'd swear it was like inside this HUUUUGE hallowed out tree, with levels going up, etc. I was trying to find him, them when I did I was kinda trying to keep hidden from him or something, but every time I turned around he was RIGHT there and singing some rock song directly to me... nothing sexual this time, which is a surprise, but it will usually come as my mind likes to fuck with me....
On a brighter note, because there's no buses running today I got a ride home, so have been home, and in bed, for an hour and a half and K is driving me in, so I'll be leaving close to an hour and a half later than normal. Then Sunday afternoon I'm going out to my parents for dinner and spending the night. I need to be careful of what all I eat there though...
Anywho, I'm gunna try and fall asleep soon so I can be up a bit earlier as I'm suppose to be calling hubby tonight for a bit.
Monday, 2 April 2012
Fasting! Thinspo! Possible Apt Found!
So, just finished up the last of some couscous I made for lunch/dinner and am beginning a 24hr fast! It's a lot earlier than I'd normally start one, but I'm going to be going to bed earlier tonight so it shouldn't be a big deal. I've been awake since like 10am, and only fell asleep around 6am...so won't be able to stay up quite as late even if I wanted to. I want to start getting up a bit earlier in the afternoon/evening if possible so I'm doing more than just sleeping, eating, showering, working, repeat for 5 days straight. I must say it's been nice doing absolutely nothing this weekend. I feel bad though as I'm suppose to call a friend from work, J, to go hang out but I'm tired and don't want to eat and she already said about buying nachos and popcorn or something to "repay" me for buying her coffee a few times the last couple weeks. Feel bad making an excuse for the second weekend in a row, but I really just want to do a few things around here and relax.
I weighed in when I finally decided I wasn't falling back to sleep around 2pm. I'm losing, at least. Down to 171.3. Hopefully with some proper sleep, water, and eating less this week I can get back down around 165 by next weekend. I need to start making weekly goals and such again. Might work on that tonight while burning my music, etc. to disks to finally get this beast backed up to get fixed soon.
It's a beautiful sunny day out today, still chilly thankfully though so I have the window open to get some fresh air in my room. I'm sadly already wanting a nap lol Hopefully I can keep busy tonight. Need to clean the rat cage a bit and want to wash their blankets, my sheets, etc. but K is half in the middle of a load from last night, so depends if she decides to continue with it tonight or not...Though if she goes off with J for work tonight I might just chuck her shit in the dryer so I can do mine. Tired of her always heaping up loads of laundry and then getting partway through and leaving it there for a week.
Got a couple apartments I'm looking at though. One's very nice but a bit pricey for me. The other I am waiting for more pics as it's hard to tell the size of it really, but it's a lot cheaper and a little East of downtown so it'd be close to everything but on the slightly more quiet side I think. It looks like student apartments though so who knows about noise level...Mind you, it's a bit easier to deal with on night shift cuz 90% of the day time when I'm trying to sleep they'd be in class or doing whatever, and at night if they're partying I'll be up doing shit or at work. We shall see though. Gotta get my taxes done before I'll really be able to seriously look at anything.
Anywhoo, I will be back later on tonight with some thinspo and commenting.
2AM
So, ended up telling a friend of JM's (mutual work friend) that my phone's out and I've been up all night and day feeling like crap so asked if she could pass on the message...I'm such a loser sometimes. Hopefully my sleep gets back to normal this week so we can actually hang out next weekend cuz I do want to, it's just been nice having a weekend to do nothing and relax.
I laid down for a nap around 6pm and slept til about 11pm. Went down and talked with K for a bit. She was showing me all the baby clothes they went and bought today after finding out they're having a boy. I was suppose to go to the ultrasound appt with them to see as well, but I just couldn't make myself go. I was tired, needed a shower, and as happy as I am for her, it's depressing and makes me jealous so I'm trying to keep a safe distance right now.
Found a possible apartment though. Rent's cheap, and it's downtown but a little further East so in the more quiet area. I can sublet from her for the Summer for $750 inclusive (including cable and internet) or sign the lease right away for $660 inclusive and find my own internet and stuff. Since I don't know the area or what the landlord and other tenants are like (6 apts in what looks to be an old house or something...) I'd probably sublet regardless. Makes it easier so if hubby can finally get things together and he can move down we can set a date of when the sublet ends in September. She's sending me more pics soon as the ones posted don't show the size very well. The kitchen is VERY cramped and tiny, but I don't really care how big my kitchen is lol Actually, here's the pics:
It looks like it's pretty tiny, but if I can fit all I need in there and still have decent room than I don't really care. I mainly just want to be sure I have room, outside of my bedroom, to have the rat cage and possibly the bearded dragon tank. Then also want enough room to use my Wii and when I get a 360 Kinect, etc. and workout, etc. We'll see when she sends more pictures. There's another one I really like and has lots of room and storage space but it's $835 inclusive, and would have to set up my own internet, etc. Little too pricey for me alone at the moment.
Anywhoo, still fasting. K and I walked to Tim Horton's after I got up (like a 30min walk there alone) and I grabbed a medium white hot chocolate. Decently hungry but doing okay. I have a 1L bottle of peach "sparkling water", a can of diet pop, and a can of sparkling fruit juice if I need it. I'm still decently tired too though so am thinking of laying back down in about 2-3hrs. My plan for ending my fast is a banana and a tiny bit of the hummus I made earlier today with some while grain rice crackers. Won't have too much though, very high cal. Will be packing the rest with some sliced peppers, etc. for my dinner at work. Need to stop at the grocery store after work in the morning for sure lol
Okay, well not sure if I'll come back on after commenting, so here's a bit of thinspo! I will try and get on, and comment, at least a couple times during the week!
I weighed in when I finally decided I wasn't falling back to sleep around 2pm. I'm losing, at least. Down to 171.3. Hopefully with some proper sleep, water, and eating less this week I can get back down around 165 by next weekend. I need to start making weekly goals and such again. Might work on that tonight while burning my music, etc. to disks to finally get this beast backed up to get fixed soon.
It's a beautiful sunny day out today, still chilly thankfully though so I have the window open to get some fresh air in my room. I'm sadly already wanting a nap lol Hopefully I can keep busy tonight. Need to clean the rat cage a bit and want to wash their blankets, my sheets, etc. but K is half in the middle of a load from last night, so depends if she decides to continue with it tonight or not...Though if she goes off with J for work tonight I might just chuck her shit in the dryer so I can do mine. Tired of her always heaping up loads of laundry and then getting partway through and leaving it there for a week.
Got a couple apartments I'm looking at though. One's very nice but a bit pricey for me. The other I am waiting for more pics as it's hard to tell the size of it really, but it's a lot cheaper and a little East of downtown so it'd be close to everything but on the slightly more quiet side I think. It looks like student apartments though so who knows about noise level...Mind you, it's a bit easier to deal with on night shift cuz 90% of the day time when I'm trying to sleep they'd be in class or doing whatever, and at night if they're partying I'll be up doing shit or at work. We shall see though. Gotta get my taxes done before I'll really be able to seriously look at anything.
Anywhoo, I will be back later on tonight with some thinspo and commenting.
2AM
So, ended up telling a friend of JM's (mutual work friend) that my phone's out and I've been up all night and day feeling like crap so asked if she could pass on the message...I'm such a loser sometimes. Hopefully my sleep gets back to normal this week so we can actually hang out next weekend cuz I do want to, it's just been nice having a weekend to do nothing and relax.
I laid down for a nap around 6pm and slept til about 11pm. Went down and talked with K for a bit. She was showing me all the baby clothes they went and bought today after finding out they're having a boy. I was suppose to go to the ultrasound appt with them to see as well, but I just couldn't make myself go. I was tired, needed a shower, and as happy as I am for her, it's depressing and makes me jealous so I'm trying to keep a safe distance right now.
Found a possible apartment though. Rent's cheap, and it's downtown but a little further East so in the more quiet area. I can sublet from her for the Summer for $750 inclusive (including cable and internet) or sign the lease right away for $660 inclusive and find my own internet and stuff. Since I don't know the area or what the landlord and other tenants are like (6 apts in what looks to be an old house or something...) I'd probably sublet regardless. Makes it easier so if hubby can finally get things together and he can move down we can set a date of when the sublet ends in September. She's sending me more pics soon as the ones posted don't show the size very well. The kitchen is VERY cramped and tiny, but I don't really care how big my kitchen is lol Actually, here's the pics:
It looks like it's pretty tiny, but if I can fit all I need in there and still have decent room than I don't really care. I mainly just want to be sure I have room, outside of my bedroom, to have the rat cage and possibly the bearded dragon tank. Then also want enough room to use my Wii and when I get a 360 Kinect, etc. and workout, etc. We'll see when she sends more pictures. There's another one I really like and has lots of room and storage space but it's $835 inclusive, and would have to set up my own internet, etc. Little too pricey for me alone at the moment.
Anywhoo, still fasting. K and I walked to Tim Horton's after I got up (like a 30min walk there alone) and I grabbed a medium white hot chocolate. Decently hungry but doing okay. I have a 1L bottle of peach "sparkling water", a can of diet pop, and a can of sparkling fruit juice if I need it. I'm still decently tired too though so am thinking of laying back down in about 2-3hrs. My plan for ending my fast is a banana and a tiny bit of the hummus I made earlier today with some while grain rice crackers. Won't have too much though, very high cal. Will be packing the rest with some sliced peppers, etc. for my dinner at work. Need to stop at the grocery store after work in the morning for sure lol
Okay, well not sure if I'll come back on after commenting, so here's a bit of thinspo! I will try and get on, and comment, at least a couple times during the week!
30 Days to Lose
So, it's technically the 2nd of April but I count it as my first day still since I'm still up. Going to lay down soon, as we have some stuff to do tomorrow during the day, but wanted to do a quick post here before hand. I'll do a better one, and with some thinspo, tomorrow night though as I'll need to keep busy since I'll be tired.
Food wise has been okay. Nothing spectacular, but better than eating a ton of junk. Been around 1200 max each day so far, except today but that's because I needed to use up the four small avocados I bought like 2 weeks ago since no one had decided to make the guacamole as we had planned. I made my own with just onions and some lime juice. Not near as yummy, but still good and super healthy...Just super high in cals with the rice crackers I used to dip in it. That's all I've eaten today though other than an apple when I first got up. Thinking of making some hummus with just some lemon poppy seed dressing and sesame seed oil tomorrow night though and eating a small portion of it with a pepper chopped up or something and then fasting 24hrs.
I don't really have a full on plan yet though other than staying UNDER 1000 cals for right now. Hopefully once pay day comes and I get my fucking taxes done I can go onto a more raw food diet and start making specific cal amount plans, etc. I also hope to join the Y still, although I think the 30min walk to my bus stop 5 days a week does count for something....Not enough though.
Anywhoo, sorry for another short post and lack of comments. Hopefully this week I can start actually getting up a couple hours before having to really get things together and go for work so I can start updating more daily.
Stay Strong xoxoxoxo
Food wise has been okay. Nothing spectacular, but better than eating a ton of junk. Been around 1200 max each day so far, except today but that's because I needed to use up the four small avocados I bought like 2 weeks ago since no one had decided to make the guacamole as we had planned. I made my own with just onions and some lime juice. Not near as yummy, but still good and super healthy...Just super high in cals with the rice crackers I used to dip in it. That's all I've eaten today though other than an apple when I first got up. Thinking of making some hummus with just some lemon poppy seed dressing and sesame seed oil tomorrow night though and eating a small portion of it with a pepper chopped up or something and then fasting 24hrs.
I don't really have a full on plan yet though other than staying UNDER 1000 cals for right now. Hopefully once pay day comes and I get my fucking taxes done I can go onto a more raw food diet and start making specific cal amount plans, etc. I also hope to join the Y still, although I think the 30min walk to my bus stop 5 days a week does count for something....Not enough though.
Anywhoo, sorry for another short post and lack of comments. Hopefully this week I can start actually getting up a couple hours before having to really get things together and go for work so I can start updating more daily.
Stay Strong xoxoxoxo
Friday, 30 March 2012
Quickie
So, I know it's been a couple days. Been uber tired and mainly depressed so haven't been on. Haven't weighed in, but I'm also quite bloated lately from my period half ass starting. I am thinking April 1st is a really good start date to really get back on track more. I like having a set plan and starting on a specific date, etc. I will mull it over next couple days and will be sure to post more Sunday! Stay Strong and have a great weekend lovelies!
Oh, and my last fast was successful. Can't remember if I posted that or not.
Oh, and my last fast was successful. Can't remember if I posted that or not.
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Fasting Begins *Update*
So, I have been up ALL day. Should be fun trying to stay up tonight. Gotta call in still, but prefer to do it later, closer to my shift start so it doesn't seem so ...well planned. lol I am a bit annoyed now though. I called H&R Block and this year, for some reason, Revenue Canada isn't posting T5s online so they can't view them like normal. So, once I get a bit of energy in me, I'm doing another search around my room for the fucking things. Work might be able to get me another T4, though still haven't heard back on that yet. Hopefully by tomorrow night, but if I can't find them still I gotta call OW and see if they can get me another copy ASAP. K keeps going on that it'll take weeks cuz they don't keep that stuff on file, but I'm sure they do or it won't take more than a couple days if anything but she knows all of course *rolls eyes*
Anywhoo, I just finished eating some fake chicken strips and homemade hummus. I've had just a little over 1000 cals today in total. Had two bananas before I left this morning to do groceries, a 100cal pack of yogurt covered pretzels as a snack while doing groceries. Two of these 50cal fruit snack things I bought, two eggs with a slice of cheese on each, and then the chickn and hummus. Did a lot of walking today too though, and a bit with quite some weight from the groceries.
I am so fucking tired, this sucks lol I bought a sugar free Red Bull for later on. I just hope I can stay up until at least like 3am. I'm not yet sure what all I'm gunna do though to stay awake as I'd love to just lay down now, but I know that'd be stupid. I don't think J works tonight, which kinda sucks cuz I had thought of dying my hair when K went with him, but he did mention about her going with him tonight, so not sure. Either he starts later, or I'm not sure cuz they went for a walk a little while ago, when he normally left around this time to go get his truck hooked up and shit. We shall see I suppose. Probably won't have the energy by that point to do it anyway lol I had also wanted to clean the rat cage and change my sheets and stuff, but K has pretty well claimed the washer for the night since she never remembers or gets too lazy halfway through to finish more than one load, so that's pretty well out of the question. I did re-start my Animal Crossing game though, so might play some of it again later on. Only so much you can do in it really though. I just hope I find something to keep me awake.
Been chatting a bit with hubby this afternoon. Nothing really wonderful or insightful or much, though said something about possibly calling me to talk on the phone for a while...though not too sure what we'll talk about really. Gotta call mom around 7-8pm tonight. She's still not doing too well and I slept through when I was suppose to call her last night. If I didn't like nights so much, I'd hate them sometimes lol
Gunna head off for now and try and find something to do. Will probably update later though.
9:45pm
Ugh....I'm dying...My stomach is revolting and not even from the lack of food...just from trying to stay awake. My entire body feels like SHIT right now and I don't see me being able to stay up much longer....FML I haven't eaten anything, not even hungry, but K and I went and grabbed Timmy's so I've had a little over half an ice coffee with flavour shots. I don't think I'll be finishing it sadly...It's not sitting too well right now, so that sugar free Red Bull will be saved for work tomorrow night I guess.
So, there's a big fire raging not far from us. The marsh by the highway has been on fire for at least a couple hours now. That's the main reason we went for a drive, to go see it. I can't imagine the houses by it, I'd lose my mind if I lived there as this happens almost every year. Namely people set it on fire, and because of how dry everything gets it just runs wild.....There's already a youtube vid or two of it from people that pulled over on the highway....
Anywhoo, I am probably going offline soon. I am hoping I can stay awake watching season one Walking Dead, but we shall see. If I do fall asleep, here's hoping it's only for a couple hours, enough to refresh me enough to stay up a bit later....Talked to hubby for a bit, but he seems distant with me...lovely...Night all.
Anywhoo, I just finished eating some fake chicken strips and homemade hummus. I've had just a little over 1000 cals today in total. Had two bananas before I left this morning to do groceries, a 100cal pack of yogurt covered pretzels as a snack while doing groceries. Two of these 50cal fruit snack things I bought, two eggs with a slice of cheese on each, and then the chickn and hummus. Did a lot of walking today too though, and a bit with quite some weight from the groceries.
I am so fucking tired, this sucks lol I bought a sugar free Red Bull for later on. I just hope I can stay up until at least like 3am. I'm not yet sure what all I'm gunna do though to stay awake as I'd love to just lay down now, but I know that'd be stupid. I don't think J works tonight, which kinda sucks cuz I had thought of dying my hair when K went with him, but he did mention about her going with him tonight, so not sure. Either he starts later, or I'm not sure cuz they went for a walk a little while ago, when he normally left around this time to go get his truck hooked up and shit. We shall see I suppose. Probably won't have the energy by that point to do it anyway lol I had also wanted to clean the rat cage and change my sheets and stuff, but K has pretty well claimed the washer for the night since she never remembers or gets too lazy halfway through to finish more than one load, so that's pretty well out of the question. I did re-start my Animal Crossing game though, so might play some of it again later on. Only so much you can do in it really though. I just hope I find something to keep me awake.
Been chatting a bit with hubby this afternoon. Nothing really wonderful or insightful or much, though said something about possibly calling me to talk on the phone for a while...though not too sure what we'll talk about really. Gotta call mom around 7-8pm tonight. She's still not doing too well and I slept through when I was suppose to call her last night. If I didn't like nights so much, I'd hate them sometimes lol
Gunna head off for now and try and find something to do. Will probably update later though.
9:45pm
Ugh....I'm dying...My stomach is revolting and not even from the lack of food...just from trying to stay awake. My entire body feels like SHIT right now and I don't see me being able to stay up much longer....FML I haven't eaten anything, not even hungry, but K and I went and grabbed Timmy's so I've had a little over half an ice coffee with flavour shots. I don't think I'll be finishing it sadly...It's not sitting too well right now, so that sugar free Red Bull will be saved for work tomorrow night I guess.
So, there's a big fire raging not far from us. The marsh by the highway has been on fire for at least a couple hours now. That's the main reason we went for a drive, to go see it. I can't imagine the houses by it, I'd lose my mind if I lived there as this happens almost every year. Namely people set it on fire, and because of how dry everything gets it just runs wild.....There's already a youtube vid or two of it from people that pulled over on the highway....
Anywhoo, I am probably going offline soon. I am hoping I can stay awake watching season one Walking Dead, but we shall see. If I do fall asleep, here's hoping it's only for a couple hours, enough to refresh me enough to stay up a bit later....Talked to hubby for a bit, but he seems distant with me...lovely...Night all.
Dropping Further Down
So, I really haven't been in much of a better mood today. I had planned on getting up around 2pm and doing some groceries and things so I'd be good and tired by morning, but I just laid in bed, half asleep most of the time, until after 8pm. Why? I just didn't want to get up. No particular reason, but I just didn't. It's only midnight and I could still just lay back down sadly... There's so much I should be doing...my novel, backing up all my stuff to get my laptop fixed, drawing, letting the rats out for a run and clean their cage...but I just have zero energy for it. I am doing a load of laundry, but have already pre-decided I'm calling in tomorrow. I'm going to try and say "family emergency" to see if they'll code it a little differently or something, but we'll see. I'm going to fast though tomorrow night, that I've decided. I'm also gunna do some later evening groceries I think. Mainly to just kinda get out of the house for a bit, but am going to try and go on the bus and tell K I was given the night off from lack of work or whatever.
Hubby messaged me a long thing on Facebook last night, before I got back up from the migraine. It said a lot about how much he misses me and loves me and stuff, but also made it pretty clear that it's going to take a long while before he can move down. I'm really at a loss of what to do right now. I am thinking just going for a one bdrm apartment as soon as possible is the best for my sanity since I already question why I moved back really, so am praying I get at least $1000 back from my taxes so I can pay up my credit card and cell phone and put the rest away towards it.... If I could get $2000 back it would be perfect... $1500 for first and last and then $500 to throw on bills and for the U-Haul and shit. It'd be no more than what I paid to move here, that's for sure, so $100 would easily be enough for the moving part of it all...Anywhoo, it made me depressed even further. I wrote back and told him, in a nut shell, how I felt. I wrote quite the novel, but have not told him I'm cutting again. He knows I use to, but also knows I stopped when we got together...I don't want to hurt him and make him worry about me any more than he probably does by telling him I've started again or anything else like that.
So, I really need to get on top of counting cals and things again and would like to start this week, but I don't really have the food for it just yet. Hopefully I get enough to get some good stuff this week. I still have like $160 left but need to put something on my cell phone and would like to put something on my credit card. So yea, here's hoping I can a decent return and can do it this week cuz my old bank account is going to go into overdraft from fees this week if I don't cash the check in time.
Anyway, I'm really not in a blogging mood tonight. I will return comments when I start my fast everything. Want to definitely start it earlier this week.
Hubby messaged me a long thing on Facebook last night, before I got back up from the migraine. It said a lot about how much he misses me and loves me and stuff, but also made it pretty clear that it's going to take a long while before he can move down. I'm really at a loss of what to do right now. I am thinking just going for a one bdrm apartment as soon as possible is the best for my sanity since I already question why I moved back really, so am praying I get at least $1000 back from my taxes so I can pay up my credit card and cell phone and put the rest away towards it.... If I could get $2000 back it would be perfect... $1500 for first and last and then $500 to throw on bills and for the U-Haul and shit. It'd be no more than what I paid to move here, that's for sure, so $100 would easily be enough for the moving part of it all...Anywhoo, it made me depressed even further. I wrote back and told him, in a nut shell, how I felt. I wrote quite the novel, but have not told him I'm cutting again. He knows I use to, but also knows I stopped when we got together...I don't want to hurt him and make him worry about me any more than he probably does by telling him I've started again or anything else like that.
So, I really need to get on top of counting cals and things again and would like to start this week, but I don't really have the food for it just yet. Hopefully I get enough to get some good stuff this week. I still have like $160 left but need to put something on my cell phone and would like to put something on my credit card. So yea, here's hoping I can a decent return and can do it this week cuz my old bank account is going to go into overdraft from fees this week if I don't cash the check in time.
Anyway, I'm really not in a blogging mood tonight. I will return comments when I start my fast everything. Want to definitely start it earlier this week.
Monday, 26 March 2012
Getting on Track
Alright, finally a post from the comfort of my bed and laptop. Might be the last for a little while if I get everything backed up "tomorrow" to get it fixed this week.
Anywhoo, I will do my commenting round in a moment. Sorry for slacking in that department. Blogger is REALLY hard to use from my phone, and the app is stupid and won't sign out of my old one so I can't even get on with it. I hope to get a little netbook when I get my taxes done so I can hop on quickly every day with it once I do. I might just sacrifice extras next pay and get one really, they're only like $300 max.
So, eating hasn't been great, but not absolutely horrible. I haven't started counting cals yet, but I am going to be soon. I need to get on top of that. The 26min walk every day to my bus stop is good, but without cutting down huge on cals it's not going to do anything at all. I also hope to get my taxes done to join the Y this week, instead of having to wait another pay or two...I stupidly spent like $80 on crap this week though, so my own fault.
I have; however, been cutting. Almost every day. I bought an exacto knife the other morning. It's perfect in a sense because it easily cuts without going deep, and is such a smooth and even cut that it heals in a couple days and never leaves scars. I know, it's not the smartest or healthiest option for relieving stress but I'd rather this than to start smoking again, emotionally eat, or to just drink my way through life, as much as I'd love to be buzzed 90% of the time...lol I did buy a bottle of fruit wine yesterday morning though. I would've much preferred a mickey of rum or vodka but the LCBO doesn't open til fucking noon on Sundays. Won't make that mistake again!
"Today" has been a pretty shitty day over-all though. I didn't get home from running around til almost 2PM and when I woke up at about 10PM I had a massive migraine and a voicemail from my mom. Our dog, Hollie, had sudden issues with her hip or nerves or something and had to be put to sleep....Two pets in two weeks. Let's just say I'm not the happiest person right now. If I get my taxes in and get a decent return I am looking to buy a tombstone for her, and am thinking of doing a memorial drawing for mom, as she's not handling it well at all. There was no real time to process it, as it was just suddenly this afternoon her back end just basically stopped working and she'd yelp and yelp in pain if she tried to pull it up....She was doing really well too over the Winter with her hips not bothering her much at all...I'm glad I got to see her last week at least, though wish I could've been there to say good-bye too...
I think I mentioned it last post, but I bought this gorgeous journal when I went to Walmart Friday morning. I'll post a pic of it below. I haven't fully decided what I want to use it for though. I am thinking just as intended. A journal of everything and anything in my mind...I love blogging, but there are somethings I don't go into detail or repeat on here as I know how it can get for some of the people reading it. You don't want to hear how depressed I am and how much I miss my hubby and all the stupid little shit at work or with my roommates in every post. I brief over the "highlights" of things outside the realm of my ED, as this is primarily what this blog is for. If you ever want to hear more, let me know lol but there is SO much going on in my head I don't like to ramble for hours on here. I am thinking of making my Wicca blog on this account though, as I kind of abandoned my old one...and possibly a writing one, but I'm still iffy on the idea of posting my writing online like this, so we'll see.
Anywhoo, I have rambled. I am going to head offline here soon, after commenting of course, and possibly start working on a plan for the next couple weeks for eating to get back on track, and will be sure to post any info "tomorrow". Night all! Stay Strong!
Anywhoo, I will do my commenting round in a moment. Sorry for slacking in that department. Blogger is REALLY hard to use from my phone, and the app is stupid and won't sign out of my old one so I can't even get on with it. I hope to get a little netbook when I get my taxes done so I can hop on quickly every day with it once I do. I might just sacrifice extras next pay and get one really, they're only like $300 max.
So, eating hasn't been great, but not absolutely horrible. I haven't started counting cals yet, but I am going to be soon. I need to get on top of that. The 26min walk every day to my bus stop is good, but without cutting down huge on cals it's not going to do anything at all. I also hope to get my taxes done to join the Y this week, instead of having to wait another pay or two...I stupidly spent like $80 on crap this week though, so my own fault.
I have; however, been cutting. Almost every day. I bought an exacto knife the other morning. It's perfect in a sense because it easily cuts without going deep, and is such a smooth and even cut that it heals in a couple days and never leaves scars. I know, it's not the smartest or healthiest option for relieving stress but I'd rather this than to start smoking again, emotionally eat, or to just drink my way through life, as much as I'd love to be buzzed 90% of the time...lol I did buy a bottle of fruit wine yesterday morning though. I would've much preferred a mickey of rum or vodka but the LCBO doesn't open til fucking noon on Sundays. Won't make that mistake again!
"Today" has been a pretty shitty day over-all though. I didn't get home from running around til almost 2PM and when I woke up at about 10PM I had a massive migraine and a voicemail from my mom. Our dog, Hollie, had sudden issues with her hip or nerves or something and had to be put to sleep....Two pets in two weeks. Let's just say I'm not the happiest person right now. If I get my taxes in and get a decent return I am looking to buy a tombstone for her, and am thinking of doing a memorial drawing for mom, as she's not handling it well at all. There was no real time to process it, as it was just suddenly this afternoon her back end just basically stopped working and she'd yelp and yelp in pain if she tried to pull it up....She was doing really well too over the Winter with her hips not bothering her much at all...I'm glad I got to see her last week at least, though wish I could've been there to say good-bye too...
I think I mentioned it last post, but I bought this gorgeous journal when I went to Walmart Friday morning. I'll post a pic of it below. I haven't fully decided what I want to use it for though. I am thinking just as intended. A journal of everything and anything in my mind...I love blogging, but there are somethings I don't go into detail or repeat on here as I know how it can get for some of the people reading it. You don't want to hear how depressed I am and how much I miss my hubby and all the stupid little shit at work or with my roommates in every post. I brief over the "highlights" of things outside the realm of my ED, as this is primarily what this blog is for. If you ever want to hear more, let me know lol but there is SO much going on in my head I don't like to ramble for hours on here. I am thinking of making my Wicca blog on this account though, as I kind of abandoned my old one...and possibly a writing one, but I'm still iffy on the idea of posting my writing online like this, so we'll see.
Anywhoo, I have rambled. I am going to head offline here soon, after commenting of course, and possibly start working on a plan for the next couple weeks for eating to get back on track, and will be sure to post any info "tomorrow". Night all! Stay Strong!
Saturday, 24 March 2012
TGIF
Well, off to work. I am so sorry I haven't been replying to comments yet. I have been so exhsusted I haven't gone on my computer all week. Today is my Friday though so I will soon! Tonight is gunna be a long ass night. I'm dead tired and at midnight, two hrs into my shift, all our systems are going down for 11hrs! We won't be able to do anything! I'm considering VTO if it's offered and I can get a ride home, but I wanted to grab stuff in the morning, so we'll see. Well, have a good night lovelies.
Friday, 23 March 2012
Broken Record
So, just got home from a quick Walmart run after work. Just waiting for my double dose Gravol to kick in as my current sleep aid. I did something stupid though, I bought an exacto knife and used it a few minutes ago. I know it's stupid and unhealthy, but I can't help it. I also bought a cute and very normal looking daily organizer (looks like just a normal notebook) in which to start using to count my cals, and start keeping track of my hours and all sorts of stuff. I have My Fitness Pal on my phone, but I like having the hard copy, and to keep track of other stuff too.
Well, I'm falling asleep. I will try my best to at least reply to all comments tonight if not stop by your blogs for it.
Well, I'm falling asleep. I will try my best to at least reply to all comments tonight if not stop by your blogs for it.
Thursday, 22 March 2012
Quickie
Downtown waiting for my bus to work so this will be quick, my internet keeps skipping off for some reason. Anywho, today is a treat day of sorts, but I worked for it. I walked downtown from the house, which is a bit over a half hour, least to the restaurant I went to to get my food for tonight. After I walked to the grocery store a block down, then the remaining like 6 blocks to the Starbucks and another 2 blocks to where I am now. So, like an hour and a half of walking around. I think I deserve my ice white mocha and baked vegetable rice lol I need to start actually counting cals again soon though. Healthy is good, but not enough. Here's hoping I have enough to joined the Y next week. Well, I'm off I will comment back in the morning. Stay strong
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
Day Two
Fast complete successfully! Quick entry right now from my phone before I eat and leave for work.
I am having two bananas and two yogurt cups as planned. Packed sliced cucumbers, peppers ,and baby carrots with a bit of fat free ranch, homemade hummus, some mini dill pickles, and a thing of cottagecheese. Will calculate cals and probably update later. Night ladies. Stay strong!
I am having two bananas and two yogurt cups as planned. Packed sliced cucumbers, peppers ,and baby carrots with a bit of fat free ranch, homemade hummus, some mini dill pickles, and a thing of cottagecheese. Will calculate cals and probably update later. Night ladies. Stay strong!
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Day One *Update*
So, my allergies have randomly decided I have to make an effort to breathe tonight. Not sure what from, but my chest is in a lot of pain because of it. Took a Benydril a few minutes ago, so hopefully it calms down soon. Along with that my stomach is cramped up and, without going TMI, I've been in and out of the bathroom a few times in the last two hours. So, called in sick to work. Really can't be doing that much more, but I'm super depressed as well, so yea.
I'm doing a fast tonight though. I made a big bowl of couscous with some chopped red onion, roasted red pepper dressing, and some cheese and finished it about a half hour ago. I'm only fasting for 24hrs, as I know my body can't really handle longer times anyway. Roommates are gone right now to a friend's, but supposedly coming home soon. I plan on laying on the being sick thing a little bit to just chill up here and ignore them for the night and just relax. I'm still really tired though, so have to be careful and not fall back to sleep. I plan on playing some facebook apps and catching up on some, if not the rest, of season 2 Walking Dead anyway.
Tomorrow I'm gunna start my plan though, except I have no nectarines so it'll be a couple bananas and yogurt before leaving for work. For tonight, I'm sticking to water, diet pop, and maybe one can of this carbonated fruit juice (60cals per can), but definitely a lot of water, as I'm dehydrated.
I want to thank everyone who's Following me. I was hesitant jumping from Xanga to Blogger, but you've definitely made it easier for me, and I hope I can give as much support as you all give me. Might update later tonight. Meant to do my "first" weigh in and measurements, but completely forgot and am so bloated and ick, wouldn't be proper anyway. Possibly tomorrow night if I get up early enough.
4:45AM
Well, still going strong on my fast. I'm actually surprising myself a bit as I'm quite hungry. I'm on my second can of diet pop, had one can of the sparkling fruit juice stuff (60cals) and had a bout a bottle total of water. Need to be having more water, but it's warm, so makes it harder for me to drink. I think, if I can afford it, I'm gunna start making this detox lemonade stuff I did before. It's technically this "well known" detox, but I can't stand even a tiny pinch of the cayenne pepper in it, so just do it as a sort of lemonade detox. All it is is like 2tbsp lemon juice (and I mean the concentrated stuff) and one tbsp of REAL maple syrup (not that cheap table syrup shit, the expensive pure stuff lol) and then about 250ml of water, though I usually do a 'double' batch and just use a plastic water bottle. I still have a full bottle of lemon juice, just need a new thing of maple syrup, which of course is the expensive part -_- We shall see how crappy this coming pay check is though and go from there.
So, not sure where the allergy attack cropped up from before, but it's been gone since about a half hour after I took the meds. Hopefully it doesn't pop up while I'm trying to sleep again today. My stomach is still blah, but a lot better without any food in it really. I was all worried with moving in with J and K (I've been friends with K forever, J is her husband) that fasting and cutting cals would be so much harder as she kind of knows of my ED, or at least suspects of things. Seems this night shift helps a ton since most nights when I work I'm gone or getting ready when they have supper and with her being pregnant they don't do much for big meals now and then when I do eat it's not a meal time so snacking on small stuff isn't questioned. I do wish I had just waited, saved, and moved into my own apartment in the end, but whatever. Things with hubby are severely lacking right now, so it might end up me getting my own for a while anyway...
My plan for tomorrow (I say tomorrow as I count it as a different day when I get back up) is to have two bananas and two yogurt cups before leaving for work. For my "lunch" it'll be some sliced cucumber, peppers, baby carrots, one thing of cottage cheese, and some homemade hummus. It sounds like a lot, but I bring the peppers and most of the carrots upstairs to my desk to snack on during my shift, as we're allowed sliced veggies, fruits, etc. at our desks. I also need to stop having junk to be snacking on all night.
So, I have a private Facebook account for ED stuff and friends and there's a girl on there I've talked to on and off that lives here in Kingston. We're suppose to meet up for a coffee and a walk sometime relatively soon and I'm half excited half nervous. I'm excited cuz if she's for real, she's 20yrs old and I could finally have a real life ana and possibly workout buddy. I'm half nervous cuz you never know what creeps could be out there, since none of us really put real pics of ourselves up there, but at the same time I'm 26yrs old and not a stupid kid anymore. We'll meet up at one of the million and one Tim Horton's or something, so not alone and shit just in case. Hopefully she's cool and we could hang out and workout and shit together. I just hope by next pay (the 8th as this one is gunna be horrible) I can pay off my Mastercard and join the Y.
Well, once again rambled nicely. Don't worry, I won't be able to do this every night lol Probably heading to bed in an hour or so, so good night lovelies. Stay strong!
I'm doing a fast tonight though. I made a big bowl of couscous with some chopped red onion, roasted red pepper dressing, and some cheese and finished it about a half hour ago. I'm only fasting for 24hrs, as I know my body can't really handle longer times anyway. Roommates are gone right now to a friend's, but supposedly coming home soon. I plan on laying on the being sick thing a little bit to just chill up here and ignore them for the night and just relax. I'm still really tired though, so have to be careful and not fall back to sleep. I plan on playing some facebook apps and catching up on some, if not the rest, of season 2 Walking Dead anyway.
Tomorrow I'm gunna start my plan though, except I have no nectarines so it'll be a couple bananas and yogurt before leaving for work. For tonight, I'm sticking to water, diet pop, and maybe one can of this carbonated fruit juice (60cals per can), but definitely a lot of water, as I'm dehydrated.
I want to thank everyone who's Following me. I was hesitant jumping from Xanga to Blogger, but you've definitely made it easier for me, and I hope I can give as much support as you all give me. Might update later tonight. Meant to do my "first" weigh in and measurements, but completely forgot and am so bloated and ick, wouldn't be proper anyway. Possibly tomorrow night if I get up early enough.
4:45AM
Well, still going strong on my fast. I'm actually surprising myself a bit as I'm quite hungry. I'm on my second can of diet pop, had one can of the sparkling fruit juice stuff (60cals) and had a bout a bottle total of water. Need to be having more water, but it's warm, so makes it harder for me to drink. I think, if I can afford it, I'm gunna start making this detox lemonade stuff I did before. It's technically this "well known" detox, but I can't stand even a tiny pinch of the cayenne pepper in it, so just do it as a sort of lemonade detox. All it is is like 2tbsp lemon juice (and I mean the concentrated stuff) and one tbsp of REAL maple syrup (not that cheap table syrup shit, the expensive pure stuff lol) and then about 250ml of water, though I usually do a 'double' batch and just use a plastic water bottle. I still have a full bottle of lemon juice, just need a new thing of maple syrup, which of course is the expensive part -_- We shall see how crappy this coming pay check is though and go from there.
So, not sure where the allergy attack cropped up from before, but it's been gone since about a half hour after I took the meds. Hopefully it doesn't pop up while I'm trying to sleep again today. My stomach is still blah, but a lot better without any food in it really. I was all worried with moving in with J and K (I've been friends with K forever, J is her husband) that fasting and cutting cals would be so much harder as she kind of knows of my ED, or at least suspects of things. Seems this night shift helps a ton since most nights when I work I'm gone or getting ready when they have supper and with her being pregnant they don't do much for big meals now and then when I do eat it's not a meal time so snacking on small stuff isn't questioned. I do wish I had just waited, saved, and moved into my own apartment in the end, but whatever. Things with hubby are severely lacking right now, so it might end up me getting my own for a while anyway...
My plan for tomorrow (I say tomorrow as I count it as a different day when I get back up) is to have two bananas and two yogurt cups before leaving for work. For my "lunch" it'll be some sliced cucumber, peppers, baby carrots, one thing of cottage cheese, and some homemade hummus. It sounds like a lot, but I bring the peppers and most of the carrots upstairs to my desk to snack on during my shift, as we're allowed sliced veggies, fruits, etc. at our desks. I also need to stop having junk to be snacking on all night.
So, I have a private Facebook account for ED stuff and friends and there's a girl on there I've talked to on and off that lives here in Kingston. We're suppose to meet up for a coffee and a walk sometime relatively soon and I'm half excited half nervous. I'm excited cuz if she's for real, she's 20yrs old and I could finally have a real life ana and possibly workout buddy. I'm half nervous cuz you never know what creeps could be out there, since none of us really put real pics of ourselves up there, but at the same time I'm 26yrs old and not a stupid kid anymore. We'll meet up at one of the million and one Tim Horton's or something, so not alone and shit just in case. Hopefully she's cool and we could hang out and workout and shit together. I just hope by next pay (the 8th as this one is gunna be horrible) I can pay off my Mastercard and join the Y.
Well, once again rambled nicely. Don't worry, I won't be able to do this every night lol Probably heading to bed in an hour or so, so good night lovelies. Stay strong!
My Introduction
Okay, so making this account was last minute but now that I'm just chilling upstairs and watching TV I'll do a more proper first post.
I'm 26yrs old (BD June 23rd), and live in Kingston, ON. I've been EDNOS (leaning more towards ana) for roughly 10yrs now. I did have a short lived addiction to MIA, but managed to scare myself enough that I won't let myself fall into that again. I have been SI free for approximately five months, though was for almost 3yrs prior that. It's something my mind has been rolling over again though.
Outside of the ED world, I am an aspiring fiction author and love drawing. I love being creative in general really. I also love Nature and animals. I've been Lacto-Ovo Vegetarian for almost 11yrs, and an Animal Rights Activist for about the same. I'm also Wiccan. I also love video and PC games, horror movies, Magic the Gathering, listening to music, Monster High, and of course dieting and working out.
I've been with my hubby for 3yrs (March 15th) now, but unfortunately we've been doing the long distance thing for almost a year now. He's suppose to be moving down here as soon as we have the money for an apartment of our own. Things haven't been progressing very easily lately though. It's extremely depressing, hence the SI thoughts.
I work full time at a call center. It's actually an amazing one, with amazing people to work with (minus a select few as with any place) and everything is so team orientated and they definitely make the work worth while. It's even more worth while, though, as I'm now in the department I love, and on a nigh shift which I love. Won't give too much for detail, as we're not suppose to, but it's for an American cell phone company, but I work nothing but business account cases through e-mail only.
I live with a couple of friends right now, though desperately want my own apartment as soon as possible if things aren't going to move very quickly with hubby moving down. I have two Siamese boy rats (had a third boy, but he sadly had to be put to sleep on the 14th from a massive infection that popped up around a tumor he had. He was my oldie boy, but I miss him) and will be getting a couple more as soon as I can arrange transport to get/pick them up from the rescue in Peterborough. I also have a male Bearded Dragon, a Leopard Gecko (which I'm rehoming soon), and a pretty male Betta fish. I also have my big fat orange boy kitty, but he's with the hubby in Sarnia right now. My roommates have 5 cats and a pit bull boxer mix girl.
I'm almost at my highest weight right now and am disgusting with myself. I'm hovering around 170-172 lately, and it has to stop. Money has been tight, so hopefully after this coming pay check (we get paid on the 8th and 22nd each month) I can get some more lowcal stuff. I have a sort of plan, to at least get back on track with my eating, which will be easy to follow and pretty cheap, and hope to do it for two weeks solid, at least. My "plan" is to have one banana, one nectarine, and two yogurt cups for "breakfast" before work, then to have veggies and possibly some berries for snacks and my lunch (with some homemade hummus and/or guacamole), one of those little individual cups of lowfat cottage cheese, and possibly some "marinated mushrooms" (just some raw mushrooms left to soak in a yummy dressing of some sort) once in a while. Basically, I want to switch to a 90% raw and unprocessed food diet. I haven't really got a solid plan for something to eat when I get home from work, but other than some yogurt or something, I'm going to try and just not eat when I get home as much.
So, I think I've rambled enough for this first post. Hope you've been able to stick it out lol I hope to meet some awesome friends through here and will always comment back!
I'm 26yrs old (BD June 23rd), and live in Kingston, ON. I've been EDNOS (leaning more towards ana) for roughly 10yrs now. I did have a short lived addiction to MIA, but managed to scare myself enough that I won't let myself fall into that again. I have been SI free for approximately five months, though was for almost 3yrs prior that. It's something my mind has been rolling over again though.
Outside of the ED world, I am an aspiring fiction author and love drawing. I love being creative in general really. I also love Nature and animals. I've been Lacto-Ovo Vegetarian for almost 11yrs, and an Animal Rights Activist for about the same. I'm also Wiccan. I also love video and PC games, horror movies, Magic the Gathering, listening to music, Monster High, and of course dieting and working out.
I've been with my hubby for 3yrs (March 15th) now, but unfortunately we've been doing the long distance thing for almost a year now. He's suppose to be moving down here as soon as we have the money for an apartment of our own. Things haven't been progressing very easily lately though. It's extremely depressing, hence the SI thoughts.
I work full time at a call center. It's actually an amazing one, with amazing people to work with (minus a select few as with any place) and everything is so team orientated and they definitely make the work worth while. It's even more worth while, though, as I'm now in the department I love, and on a nigh shift which I love. Won't give too much for detail, as we're not suppose to, but it's for an American cell phone company, but I work nothing but business account cases through e-mail only.
I live with a couple of friends right now, though desperately want my own apartment as soon as possible if things aren't going to move very quickly with hubby moving down. I have two Siamese boy rats (had a third boy, but he sadly had to be put to sleep on the 14th from a massive infection that popped up around a tumor he had. He was my oldie boy, but I miss him) and will be getting a couple more as soon as I can arrange transport to get/pick them up from the rescue in Peterborough. I also have a male Bearded Dragon, a Leopard Gecko (which I'm rehoming soon), and a pretty male Betta fish. I also have my big fat orange boy kitty, but he's with the hubby in Sarnia right now. My roommates have 5 cats and a pit bull boxer mix girl.
I'm almost at my highest weight right now and am disgusting with myself. I'm hovering around 170-172 lately, and it has to stop. Money has been tight, so hopefully after this coming pay check (we get paid on the 8th and 22nd each month) I can get some more lowcal stuff. I have a sort of plan, to at least get back on track with my eating, which will be easy to follow and pretty cheap, and hope to do it for two weeks solid, at least. My "plan" is to have one banana, one nectarine, and two yogurt cups for "breakfast" before work, then to have veggies and possibly some berries for snacks and my lunch (with some homemade hummus and/or guacamole), one of those little individual cups of lowfat cottage cheese, and possibly some "marinated mushrooms" (just some raw mushrooms left to soak in a yummy dressing of some sort) once in a while. Basically, I want to switch to a 90% raw and unprocessed food diet. I haven't really got a solid plan for something to eat when I get home from work, but other than some yogurt or something, I'm going to try and just not eat when I get home as much.
So, I think I've rambled enough for this first post. Hope you've been able to stick it out lol I hope to meet some awesome friends through here and will always comment back!
Monday, 19 March 2012
Can't Keep Running
Hoping to start things up proper and get on top of this. I'm a little less than 10lbs away from the highest weight I've ever been my entire life and I cannot let this happen. I am depressed enough as it is in the rest of my life. Just getting started on here, but wanted a post so if I Follow anyone, they know why.
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